While the country heals its own traumatic past (and present), it should also be looking at alternative ways of righting some of the wrongs in our society.

Restorative justice helps people recognise the harm done by their own racial or discriminatory behaviour, it shows them the bigger picture of their community and helps them contribute towards a more just, equitable, diverse and inclusive world.

When a young boy gets punished by having his school prefect badge taken away for saying 'you're weird because you're black' to my son, we miss an opportunity to teach true inclusion while he is still young. Yes, there's a risk that the boy has formed this opinion from his parents, extended family, and the internet but why aren't we having uncomfortable conversations to refute centuries of misinformation and oppression?

What happens when we think punitive punishment will fix a problem? We create a shame spiral on all sides. The young boy called weird for his skin colour feels shame at the exclusion. The boy who called him weird has shame for being punished and losing his prefect role. The school feels shame because racism, even in this seemingly innocent form, is now associated with that school.

The parents of both boys also feel shame because, either the family secret is out or they don't know where their child got that idea from. Other parents also feel shame as they're unsure who their true allies are in the school and community.

Racism is messy, and that's exactly why we should be talking about it. It gets messier when we ignore it, when we avoid doing the real work which could start with a collective acknowledgment through our communities, and a dedication to getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.

MORE OPINION:

When we ignore this seemingly inhumane 'race to belong' we allow mild racism to graduate to abhorrent statements such as this (made by a Year 10 student) about another student of African Australian heritage.

"When slavery comes back, I'm going to buy her."

Sit with your valid outrage (or not) for a second ... what exactly are you outraged about? The words? The fact it was said, or that it was even thought? His punishment? He was suspended for four days; her punishment is living with that comment forever.

Now even more tragically, as a nation we are mourning the tragic loss of Cassius Turvey. How can Australia call itself a multicultural nation when these kinds of crimes and torments are occurring? When will we finally acknowledge the virus that is racism in Australia?

Punitive punishments may have their place in society, but if we want to change the way Australians think about other races we have a lot of work to do, and all of it is uncomfortable.

For my children's sake, I hope that we are brave enough to do the work, because if we do we have the chance to make Australia a safer place for everyone, no matter the colour of their skin.