When it comes to Halloween you're in either of two camps. You boycott it, refusing to sell out to the crass American-ness of it all. Or you embrace it, seeing it as a way to promote a sense of community and neighbourly love.
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I'm firmly in the latter camp. I've already got a bucket-full of treats, even a costume sorted out, while I haven't gone quite as far as hollowing out a pumpkin and sitting it on the porch (do Australians even have porches?) it's something I get closer to every year.
I might even do it this year to support Australian pineapple growers who are calling on their nation to carve a pineapple into a ghoulish creation.
Pure Gold Pineapples have stencils available and a handy video to follow. There's even a stack of recipes on how to use the discarded flesh, which sounds very apt given it's Halloween.
Would be a nice way to welcome trick or treaters. In my neighbourhood they also fall into two camps.
There's the cute little tackers, walking the streets with parents in tow, dressed as cowboys and ghosts and zombies. I love being able to scare them, fill their bellies with sugar and send them on their way home with someone else.
Then there's the other group. Too cool for school teenagers who wander off on their own ... not too cool to take candy from a stranger, and not too cool to come back several times in one night, but way too cool to admit they're actually enjoying themselves.
I'm prepared for Halloween, but if you're not here's a Lazy Parent's Guide to Halloween.
Who gives a sheet?
Sheets are great. And not just for your bed. Don't even bother cutting holes for eyes. Just plonk it over your kids head. If you have a black sheet, you sexy minx, you can be one of those scary things in Ghost that came and took the bad guy away. Use a sheet as a cape. Or a flying carpet. Or a big hanky with a splodge of green slime in it for the biggest booger ever.
Go with a theme
Dress the whole family in theme. The Addams family. The Trumps. Same same. So many options this year. How about the Ninja Turtles with shells made out of old ice cream buckets? We quite like the idea of going as milk and cookies, where someone's in a painted box and the others are adorned with circles of brown cardboard. Or S'mores. Remember half the point is making it a family occasion. And the kids don't get a say. Yes, we're going as a bunch of bananas.
Aussie, Aussie, Aussie
S'mores? Cookies? How about we try and Australian-ise the whole night. A jar of Vegemite with a couple of pieces of painted cardboard? The Irwins wearing all the khaki in your wardrobe. Ned Kelly with a bucket on your head? Dame Edna with the help of nan's clothes? Surely you've got a Wiggly skivvy floating around somewhere?
Eco-friendly
Recycle, recycle, recycle. Remember Book Week? You weren't prepared for that either were you? But look back at your Facebook post and work out how you could spook it up. How about some cobwebs on a black t-shirt ... find that corner of the garden shed you haven't been into for a while and roll around for a realistic touch. Swamp monster? Grab some greenery from the garden and twist it around your limbs.
Trick or treat
Always the eternal question. Kids don't like coming to your door for a trick but perhaps I should roll out the one card trick I know and revel in their little disappointed faces, particularly when those teenagers drop around.
But it's all about the sugar. Doesn't take much effort to get to Costco for the biggest bag you can find. Think of all the joy you'll bring those children. Think of all the pain you're bringing to other parents as they try to calm them down before bed time. Ah, such sweet revenge now you're own children are all grown up.
And it always helps to have a cold six pack of beer in the fridge and a bottle of bubbly for the parents to sip on while their kids run around your street. Did someone say Hallow-ine?
