Crime Statistics Agency data showed there was a 67.5 per cent increase in family violence incidents reported to police (per 100,000 population) from April to June 2020 compared to the same period in 2019.

WRISC Family Violence Support executive officer Libby Jewson said family violence as emotional, verbal, social and financial abuse was often not reported because people did not recognise it as family violence.

Ballarat, Victoria, resident and artist Hannah Walker* experienced emotional, verbal, social and financial abuse from her partner that worsened during COVID-19 lockdown periods.

Her story is one which is not recognised in family violence statistics.

Ms Walker has since ended the relationship and chose to share her story with The Courier to raise awareness of forms of family violence that too often go unseen and unnoticed.

Ms Walker had been in a relationship with her former partner for a year and a half before they separated last month.

Looking back, she said she now understands her partner's behaviour was deceiving, humiliating and emotionally and psychologically abusive.

"I didn't even know it was happening," Ms Walker said.

"I pride myself on being a fairly strong, independent woman anyway, so I thought if this can happen to me this can be happening to anyone without you noticing.

"It was very slow and insidious but then it built and built and got worse and worse as it generally does."

Ms Walker said the abuse and manipulation began with her partner questioning her friendships and he made her feel bad for being in contact with them.

She said she was 'trained' not to feel comfortable sitting on the couch in her home because he would say he wanted to sit where she was sitting.

She said he slowly made her get rid of her possessions which she now understood made it harder for her to leave him.

"Anything positive I did in my life was always critiqued," Ms Walker said.

"There was always negativity. There was constant lying, putting you down, making you feel guilty about friendships you have or activities you do, like my art and the time it takes me.

"It felt like a constant double standard. He could go and do whatever he wanted but I always had to answer to him or justify my behaviour."

Ms Walker said COVID-19 lockdown periods worsened his behaviour but also helped shed a light on it.

"It makes it worse because you are in such close proximity with this person and you are isolated from your support network," she said.

"It was when his behaviour started to become unpredictable actually when my anxiety was starting to tell me I was unsafe that I realised.

"I haven't had a panic attack in years but I have had several in the last few months being with him.

"My greatest fear is losing myself, because that is really hard to get back once you have lost yourself. That was what was starting to happen.

"He was starting to challenge the person that I was and trying to make everything about me negative."

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Ms Walker acquired a studio and shop space through a Ballarat program.

She said being in that space outside of the home and realising her capabilities helped her recognise her partner's problem behaviour and make the decision to leave him.

"I saw how capable I was of running this great little studio," Ms Walker said.

"I think getting to have that time away from him down at the studio and being in the space where I am comfortable and I get to thrive helped build me up enough to be able to realise my worth.

"I was able to engage with people again, whereas at home, that space wasn't safe to ever invite anyone around.

"It was constantly uncomfortable and never knowing what mood he was going to be in or what we were going to be fighting about next because everything I seemed to do was a problem for him and that was just me being me.

"Now that I have that space I see that it was him controlling me."

Ms Walker said she was stuck sharing the same home after she broke up with her partner for two weeks while she found a new place to move to with her young child.

She said the last few weeks in the home were 'horrendous' and she experienced a number of panic attacks.

"He had been watching me on the security camera," Ms Walker said.

"I have found out since everything out of his mouth has been a lie and he is really good at it to be honest.

"We had assigned ourselves safe space, it was for my benefit. I said this is my safe space you are not to come into it, I will respect your space and we won't come into each other's space during this time.

"He never respected that. It was incredibly triggering. I could spend the days anxious waiting until he came home not knowing what I was going to be dealing with.

"It was this threatening your safety but in this really sick way, never with violence but by withholding funds, making it difficult for you to leave, the constant putting down and breaking someone's spirit.

"I think I am still in shock that it even happened to be honest. I can't believe this happened to me. I don't get it, I don't understand why."

Relationships Victoria recognises family violence is a deliberate act and is rarely an isolated event. Over time the violence tends to increase in frequency and severity.

Federation University Associate Professor and family violence researcher Dr Elisa Zentveld said psychological and emotional abuse happened too often.

She it could be harder for victims to have their experiences validated because it was not a physical type of abuse.

"For victims who have experienced both physical and non-physical types of abuse, many consider the emotional and/or psychological abuse to be more destructive than then physical abuse," Dr Zentveld said.

"A partner should be just that - a partner. Not a person with supreme entitlements. Nobody should have to endure being derided, watched, abused, yelled at, or controlled. That is not a partnership."

Dr Zentveld said it was wonderful Ms Walker was able to see the situation she was in and leave the relationship.

"Often what happens is people doubt themselves, or don't have their feelings validated and start to suffer from low self-esteem and head into a downward spiral," Dr Zentveld said.

"If they end up having a child or children to a person who is abusive, it is a very complex situation as children will necessarily bind the victim to the perpetrator even after separation."

Ms Jewson said she was worried verbal, financial, emotional, social and spiritual abuse was going unreported during COVID-19 because of a lack of freedom to access agencies or seek advice.

"Anecdotally those forms of family violence underreported because people don't realise it is a form of family violence," she said.

"If women do feel they are victims of family violence by power or control it is important they do seek help through ringing Safe Steps or the Orange Door."

Respect Victoria chief executive Tracey Gaudry said it was important people in the community learnt to identify the warning signs of emotional abuse.

"We must work together as a community to learn the warning signs and remove the stigma," she said.

"By calling out the early signs of abuse, we can stop violence before it starts."

Ms Gaudry said the law in Victoria defined family violence as behaviour that created fear and control over a partner, ex-partner or other family members and all forms of family violence can be reported to the police.

"We encourage anyone who is experiencing or has experienced violence to seek support," she said.

"To report family violence to the police, you can call triple zero or head to a police station. You can also contact a specialist family violence service like safe steps for confidential support and advice.

"Respect should sit at the core of any relationship. If your partner or family member is using behaviours that make you feel unsafe, support is available - you are not alone."

Ms Walker said she wanted people in similar situations to understand the abuser was the problem in the relationship, not yourself.

"I was made to feel like it was me and it wasn't me, because now I am away from it my anxiety is not what it was, I am not scared anymore, I am not living in fear all the time," she said.

"That tells me it was that situation and it was not me."

Ms Walker said people in the community needed to stop blaming the people who were victims.

"Why didn't you leave sooner, why would you put up with that.? I have been asked these things," she said.

"Why would someone like you, you're so capable, you're so strong, why would you put up with that?

"I said it was sneaky, it was slow, it was insidious... I think the conversation needs to be turned around on them.

"How about 'why did they do it?', instead of blaming the victim all the time. 'Why did he attack her?' These are the questions that need to start coming out.

"Too often the victim carries the shame and the blame and that is not how it should be."

Ms Walker said emotional abuse was serious and did damage to a person that often went unseen.

"Abuse is abuse, it doesn't have to be physical to be domestic abuse," she said.

"Now I have left I have found peace for the first time in a long time. I am finally free-free to be me."

Call 000 in an emergency or contact the Orange Door in Ballarat on 1800 219 819 for family violence support.

*not her real name